Revision checklists in English language arts texts sweep a great
deal of the writing process under the rug labeled adequate development.
The revision checklists use that vague term because the texts
are trying to cover all sorts of writing situations from fictional
stories to argument.
If you are teaching students the thesis + support pattern,
your students can make revision checklists from
tools and strategies you teach them to use in the planning portions
of the writing process.
If students use the writing process laid out for expository writing,
you will have an easier time teaching them to revise because they
will have less revision to do.
Revision problem 4: development
In expository writing, what the ELA texts call adequate development
means evidence adequate to support the thesis statement.
If there's a serious problem with a thesis + support essay draft,
nine times out of 10 the problem will be lack of evidence.
Quick check for presence of evidence
Evidence is information that comes from named (or identified) sources.
A name like Fred Snerd or "On the Media" or an identifier
like "the guide at the hawk rehabilitation center" indicates
a source. If the student is the source, the pronoun I will
probably be in the text.
Students can check for adequate evidence by going through a body
paragraph sentence by sentence looking for names and personal
pronouns like I, he, she, and they, which probably
refer to people.
As they read each sentence, they should ask
Did I identify a source in this
sentence?
If the student did not identify a source, the sentence may
need to be revised to include a source. The younger and
less experienced your students, the greater the likelihood that
their evidence will be no more than a sentence. Those students are
most likely to use generalizations when they need evidence.
If they find no sources in a body paragraph, the students
probably are using generalizations instead of evidence, telling
what "everybody knows," and not what some specific person
says. They need to do some research to plug that hole or accept
a low grade.
Quick check for adequate evidence
In standard essay format, each topic sentence is supported by three
pieces of evidence. (Try to give your younger, less experienced
writers writing prompts for which the standard format works well.)
If they don't find three sources, students should check their comprehensive
plans. The question to ask here is
Did I put all the evidence in my
essay that I indicated in my plan?
If students simply overlooked something, they can add the omitted
evidence where it belongs. If they didn't have evidence in their
plans, they either have to plug the hole or accept a low grade.
Check for poorly presented evidence
Another evidence error students make is to either fail to explain
why evidence is relevant or explain it poorly. The net effect is
similar to using evidence unrelated to the thesis, but it's far
easier to repair.
Students can build a revision checklist of yes/no questions based
on the evidence waltz strategy for presenting information. The questions
might look something like this:
Did I introduce the source of the
evidence before I presented the evidence?
Did I present the credentials of
the source if they are important?
Did I tell the reader what to look
for in the first piece of evidence?
Did I present the evidence accurately?
(Students may need to check their composition against their comprehensive
plan to be sure.)
Did I explain how the evidence is
relevant to the topic sentence?
They should go through this same process with each piece of evidence
in each each body paragraph using as a revision checklist items
built from the evidence
waltz strategy. Any time they find something missing, they should
make the repair.
Revision problem 5: lack of coherence
Writing that passes all the other tests may fall down on coherence
if it lacks linking devices.
Linking devices enable readers to follow the writer's thought process
with a minimum of guesswork.
Have students check to be sure they have linking devices every
place they are needed. Again, they can do that by yes/no questions.
Have students work one paragraph at a time asking themselves questions
to reveal the paragraph's coherence:
Did I link the topic sentence to
the thesis sentence?
Did I link the new information at
the right of sentence 1 the new information at the left of sentence
2? (and so on with sentences 2 and 3, 3 and 4....)
Did I use a transition to signal
the first piece of evidence?
Did I use a transition to signal
the second piece of evidence?
Did I use a transition to signal
the third piece of evidence?
In the final sentence of the body paragraph,
did I link the evidence in the paragraph to the topic sentence
and thesis?
Before they leave that body paragraph, they should insert a linking
device in any place that needs one.
I know the essays will sound rough; students have to learn to
use linking devices before they learn to use them well. The awkwardness
that offends your ear is the writing equivalent of a clarinet
player's squeeks. Both writer and clarinetist improve with practice.
A better way of revising
Three of those five serious errors (failure to follow directions,
lack of unity, poor organization) are the result of problems in
first two stages (i.e., the prewriting portion) of the
writing process.
Therefore, if students do a good job of planning their essays,
they minimize the need for extensive revisions. What's more,
good planning at the beginning of the writing process eliminates
the need for creating a revision checklist at the end.
Since our students are writing primarily short documents (usually
five paragraph essays), they can rewrite just three parts of
their plans until they work the bugs out. Those parts are
Even raw beginners can rewrite a sentence more than once if they
see a reason for doing it.
Your job as their writing teacher is to make sure they see that
reason.
See how revision fits into the writers'
assembly line.
Published18-May-2009; updated 15-Jun-2010
