Good grammar & word choices make even
a good thesis statement better

A good thesis statement is likely to produce a good paper. To help you understand the finer points of writing a thesis sentence,I'll give you on this page some examples of one before and after editing.

The most important marks of a potentially viable working thesis are easy to spot. Recall them by the initialism CSDS, which stands for Clear, Short Declarative Sentence.

Kindly remember we are talking about a working thesis, not one of the fancy, polished sentences in a finished composition. A good thesis in this pre-composition stage is serviceable, not suave.

5) Active voice

Smart writers put their working thesis in active voice rather than passive voice. A passive voice thesis is a clue that the writer isn't clear about what she wants to say.

Passive constructions are wishy-washy. They obscure responsibility. For example, the passive voice thesis sentence "cats should be licensed" doesn't say who needs to do the licensing. Perhaps the writer wants cats to buy their own licenses. Who can tell?

Rephrasing the sentence in active voice will make clear to the writer, as well as to readers, what the writer is really talking about.

Two examples using active voice

An active voice construction will also suggest who the essay's intended reader is.

Cat owners in Bigger City should license their cats.

suggests that the essay is aimed at cat owners. By contrast,

Bigger City Council should require owners to license their cats.

is probably aimed at the council members.

A good thesis statement indicates the topic, the audience, the purpose, and the writer's opinion or perspective on the topic all in one short sentence.

How cool is that?

6) Lack of compound constructions

Be wary of any working thesis that contains the word and. Using a compound subject or compound verb in a thesis sentence complicates the process of gathering and organizing material.

Compare two examples to see what I mean.

Thesis example #1 with compounds

Bigg City School should remove the soda and candy machines and put in a salad bar at its middle and high schools.

That statement requires the writer to talk about

• Removing soda machines.
• Removing candy machines.
• Putting in a salad bar at the middle school.
• Putting in a salad bar at the high school.

That's a headache waiting to happen. Creating a thesis statement without compound constructions avoids the problem entirely. A thesis without compounds is not necessarily a superb thesis statement, but it stands a far better chance of helping the writer produce a good paper, which is the whole point of the working thesis.

In this case, the writer wisely decided to substitute broader terms for the compound elements, as this next example shows.

Thesis example #2 with compounds removed

The revised thesis statement in example 2 is better in two ways. The revision

• Helps the writer stay focused on the main point by eliminating all those compound elements.

• Reduces the amount of evidence required.

Students who are just starting out writing don't realize that how the wording of their working theses will determine how hard they have to work at planning and composing their papers. Trial and error will teach them that truth.

Readers expect writers to provide an equal amount of supporting evidence for each element of a compound in a thesis statement. If writers skimp on evidence for one part of a compound, readers may suspect the evidence doesn't exist. That's hardly a good impression, is it?

7) Debatable phrasing

A good thesis sentence should be worded in neutral terms, free of inflammatory language. Such wording encourages debate.

(A debate is a discussion in which two people take opposite positions. Each uses evidence and logic to bolster her position and to refute her opponent's points.)

Also, the thesis should be worded so that a reasonable person using the same definitions of terms could argue for the opposition position.

Some statements cannot be debated because their flip side is not supportable. Such statements include

• Definitions.

• Facts.

• Matters of taste or preference.

Students have a great deal of difficulty framing debatable theses. Fortunately, they rarely need to know how to write a thesis that is genuinely debatable.

A truly debatable thesis is required only for argument essays. Students may write one true argument essay toward the end of high school and a couple more if they go to college.

If students get even the flavor of this seventh sign, that will be enough to keep them afloat in most writing situations.

Teaching tip for good thesis signs

You may be tempted to teach the seven characteristics when you first teach students how to write a thesis.

Don't.

Students can learn how to write a thesis and how to use one without that lecture. Students either learn the characteristics for themselves or they don't learn them at all.

There's a cause-and-effect relationship between writing a good thesis statement and having a good paper. Even your bright students will learn that lesson best by going through the writing process many times.

Wait it out.

You may, however, slip a reference to the thesis into your teaching about topics other than writing. For example, you can mention the thesis when you discuss grammatical concepts like active voice, complete sentence, compound sentence, etc.

Those sorts of curricular cross references are helpful to students and they don't waste your time. They might even help students learn faster how to write a good thesis statement.

Question about teaching the thesis?

If you are still bewildered about how to teach the thesis statement—or if it is even necessary to teach it—you can ask your question or voice your challenge at the writing teachers' thesis statement forum.