Essay Help with Argument

by India
(Florida )

I need essay help to personalize my argument essays. I am a junior in high school. I took my AP English exam a few days ago. The exam included an argumentative essay. The prompt was to decide if the student felt that getting special bonuses from teachers for volunteering in the community was justified. I claimed that it was not; volunteering was supposed to be a "selfless act." The three supports I included were three personal experiences.

I found out my grade today; I earned a 70 percent. According to my teacher and prior argumentative essays of mine, I am not clear when I state my own opinions. I was very confused by this because I'm the one writing the paper. The position I took on the issue addressed in my paper IS my opinion.

What I'm really asking for is for help to "personalize" my essays, so I can earn a better score on the AP exam at the end of the year.

Linda responds: I suspect, India, that what essay help you think you need and what your teacher thinks you need are somewhat different.

Your teacher is not saying that the opinions you expressed were not your own. Rather, your teacher is saying you are not expressing your opinions in ways that make your reasoning clear to others. Your writing may be too personal: too much about yourself and for yourself. Check the page about college requirements to see what academic writing is like.

If what you posted is a sample of your writing, I think it's safe to assume there's nothing wrong with your word usage or grammar that makes your writing confusing. You set out your thesis clearly here (better than many college students); I don't see any reason why you would not have done as well in your AP exam.

My guess is that there's something amiss in your understanding of what the argument essay is. The writing prompt may ask your for your opinion, but that does not mean your essay is to be drawn from your personal experience. In fact, the word I need not appear in your essay.

An argument essay is supposed to lay out reasons in support of an opinion; it should use logic and evidence rather than emotional appeals. Your personal experience has little weight as evidence to support an argument. Argument essays must identify and attempt to refute or explain away opposition. Argument is not so much about winning as it is about understanding where you and your opposition can find common ground.

Let me see if I can help you think about your topic as an argument. We'll begin by putting your working thesis in this format:

Students should not be given academic rewards for volunteer activities.

Now let's try building a writing skeleton™ point on that working thesis. (If you were working on a longer essay out of class, you'd make 3-5 points.) Using the standard formula in which the final period is replaced by the word because:

Students should not be given academic rewards for volunteer activities because __.

Here is the point you chose to argue in your AP exam essay:

Students should not be given academic rewards for volunteer activities because volunteering by definition must be a selfless act.

To write an argument essay, you need to think about what other people would argue against your point. Your definition is certainly going to be argued. Think about these things:

• Is the work volunteers do less valuable because they began it with an ulterior motive?
• If schools have ulterior motives for encouraging "volunteer" work (what are those motives?), doesn't it follow that the volunteer work may accomplish some good?
• Is the problem the reward or is the problem calling the activity volunteering when there is a reward set out in advance?
• Would calling the activity service learning or unpaid employment be a satisfactory compromise?

Without seeing your face as I attempt to provide you with essay help, I can't tell if I'm coming anywhere close to conveying what we mean when we talk about a clear explanation in the context of an argument essay.

If I've thoroughly confused you or missed the point, please feel free to come back and ask me to do a better job.