Essay help needed with argument introduction

by Sharon
(Quesnel)

I am writing an argument essay. The subject is "do curfews keep teens out of trouble?" I just wanted to know when I write one of these essays do I need my three points? Down below is my intro. I am not asking for it to be edited. I just need to know if I am on the right track

Every single one of us has been there, where we are rushing to get home before our parents notice it is 11:15 when our parents have specifically told us "Be home at 11 o clock sharp, no later!" For parents curfews are a way for them to keep tabs on their children and know that if their child is not home by curfew they need to call and checkup. For teens curfews might just be there worst nightmare, knowing they must be home at a certain time defiantly sets some pressure on them to constantly check their watches. In my opinion curfews are a great way to keep teens out of trouble and knowing ones child is safe and free of harm. Curfews not only protect our children but also our society and the people in it.

Linda responds: Because your sentences were run together without boundary markers, Sharon, I'm not sure I understand what essay help you are seeking.

I think you want to know if you must list supporting points for your thesis in your introduction. If that is your question, my answer is that you do not. However, some teachers want the supporting points incorporated in the thesis statement or at least in the introduction. I don't know which camp your teacher is in. I have always suspected that teachers who want the points listed in the introduction do not intend to read more than one paragraph of the paper, but perhaps that is uncharitable of me.

Your introduction suggests to me that you haven't decided what to put in your body paragraphs. Here's why I say that: you begin your intro talking to other teens. That doesn't fit with the ending sentence that says curfews "protect our children" unless you think it is normal for teenage parents to have teenage children.

I suggest you think a little longer about your thesis statement.I suggest you begin by looking up the definition of society. Is it possible to protect society without protecting people?

Then ask yourself you you are trying to convince? other teens? parents?

For the easiest writing, limit your thesis statement to a single declarative sentence without any compound constructions.

The compound constructions in your thesis force you to do six times as much work as if you had not used those constructions. As your thesis now stands, you must:

Prove that curfews protect children, and

Prove that curfews protect society, and

Prove that curfews protect people.

Since you are writing an argument, you also have to:

Refute arguments that curfews don't protect children, and

Refute arguments that curfews that curfews don't protect society, and

Refute arguments that curfews don't protext people.

You definitely will want to edit your paper. I recommend you edit for one of your most frequent errors at a time. When you use spell check verify that its suggestions are the words you want to use.

Good luck with your paper, Sharon.